As I Dance the Night Away

Getting ready to dance,

I go with only joy in my heart.

Sharing your happiness,

As your new life starts.

I want to add as much as I can,

To this beautiful night.

I want to give you a happy start,

So I dance with all my might.

And, as I dance the night away,

I will smile and I’ll say,

“I wish you the best in every way,

May your happiness always stay.”

I am truly happy at this time,

But, the sadness isn’t far behind,

I’m wondering, where is mine?

I am looking but it’s so hard to find!

As I dance the night away,

I just hope and I just pray,

I just ask and I just yearn,

“Oh when will it be my turn?”

So I ask you, won’t you please,

Pray that I should know with clarity,

And that soon I’ll find the one for me,

The one I’ll give to, indefinitely.

And then, I will dance the night away

And I will smile and I’ll say

“May Hashem answer all your prayers,

Just as He answered when I prayed.”

Dear Rebbe,

Dear Rebbe,

You’ve shown me how to see

The truth with clarity

In a deeper part of me

There’s a new reality

You’ve shown me how to be strong

It’s here that I belong

No matter what goes wrong

I find within the pain a song

You’ve shown me how to give

Just how to really live

I can move on only when

I learned how to forgive

You’ve shown me how to love

A hand that’s in a glove

Recognizing that it’s all

The hand that’s from above

You’ve shown me how to go

And taught me what I know

That if you plow and sow

Things will surely grow*

You’ve shown me how to be

All that I can be

when I have looked inside of me

I have found infinity

You’ve shown me what is right

And by following your sight

A flame in me ignites

Then the world is filled with light

You’ve shown me what is true

Salvation is in view

The darkness is almost through

We just have little more to do

I want to say thank you

I’m proud to be in your crew

Yes, I will continue

And once again, I will see you!

*(Chanie's Hayom Yom)

Procrastinate

Procrastinate.
Oh, how I hate,
when I just wait,
and do things late.

Is this my fate,
to make others wait,
just because I procrastinate?

Why do I have this trait?
I speculate,
I'm trying to create,
a childish state,
where no one berates,
and no one dictates,
everyone just tolerates.
Kids should know love, not hate,
and people who appreciate,
that everything they do is great.

At any rate,
to set things straight:
subconsciously, I'm trying to recreate,
that carefree state,
which one could debate,
has never been on my slate.

And now that translates
to something so innate:
I procrastinate!

But, how do I abate
this habit I hate
and stop making others wait,
by doing things late?

Can you relate?
Can I change my fate?

(please share any ideas you have)

BIRTH

Baby is born, a new light shines

Inside that bundle is a nephew of mine

Really something so special to me

That boy should definitely continue to be

Healthy and giving nachas to Tatty & Mommy!

CHOICES

Can you ever know

How it's meant to turn out?

Oh, how I wish I knew,

I would have no doubts.

Calming me is being aware that,

Especially when I am so unsure,

Someone Above is watching over.

Eulogy for my Pet Goldfish

As we stand here today, by the toilet side, I wonder, why? Why did my poor Goldie have to die? She was just a goldfish who never did anything wrong in her life. She was good and sweet and a wonderful color. I wonder why there has to be a cycle of life. Why new things are born and old things die. Why can’t everything be forever?

I was thinking long and hard abut my poor Goldie and how much I miss her. And if she was here, how I would remember to feed her all the time and I would play with her much more. I look back at how much I took for granted that she would be in her tank, on my dresser, all the time. I never thought the day would come when I would see her belly up, floating on the top of her tank. I cried that day for what I had not done and for what I can never make up to her.

I realize that things have to have a cycle because if they didn’t life would be taken for granted. Knowing that life is infinite, people would not ever know what a treasure life is. An infinite life would mean we could do everything later, for there always would be a later. We would all be procrastinators and never get anything done. We would fail to acknowledge the meaning of life and the meaning of time.

Only after something dies, we truly know how important they were. You don’t really know how special something was until you don’t have it anymore. We should take a lesson for the future to appreciate all that we have. We have to tell them how much they mean to us, and show how much we love them. We can’t let that opportunity slip by. Death brings us back to reality.

My Goldie had to die for her time was up. But in her death she left me with the greatest gift. She let me know how special life is. My Goldie is now in heaven and though I miss her dearly, I know she is up there looking down on me. I know she is proud that I took the message she left me. I thank her for who she was and how she changed my outlook on life. Life is limited so use it to its fullest.

written 11/06/2001 (6 years ago! when I was still in High School)

Life's About the Journey, Not the Destination

Journey

A bumpy road

A car

Gas

Crash (it happens)

Mechanic

A driver

Destination

Life

Challenges

Family & Friends

Motivation

Failure (it happens)

Mashpia (mentor)

Me

Unknown

If there is a will, there is a way.

Go…….. the light is green!

Inside of Me

There’s nothing that the world can say

There’s nothing they can take away

Because all I have is inside of me

Yes, I am happy to be me!

And when I try to change the world

I wonder, am I just a little girl?

What’s happened to me, I don’t know,

But, somehow, someway, I have grown.

Choices are not easy for me

How can I know what’s meant to be?

I just try to do what’s best

Let Hashem take care of the rest

But sometimes it’s all up to me

More than my shoulders can carry

I want to just let it go……….

Oh, sometimes, I just don’t know.

Is what I want impossible to attain?

Am I trying so hard in vain?

Why does it need to be so tough?

Is there a way to smooth the rough?

Questions I have constantly

Fighting with the weaker me

I try to be the best I can be

And….Yes, I am happy to be me

When I deal with what I feel inside

Then there’s no other place to hide

I have to face what I see in me

And deal with it appropriately

There is no greater task

To look inside beyond the mask

When I express the deeper me

That’s what it means……a Pnimi

So who I am is clear for all to see

All I have is inside of me

Yes, I struggle to be a pnimi

Then, I am happy to be me!

Dear Brothers,

My Dear Brothers,

As you pass this milestone in your life,
becoming something else,
now you are men.
Responsible for your actions,
charged with a mission,
as MEN.

But yet, to me you will always be boys,
my younger (even my baby) brothers.
I want to hold your hand,
to guide you, as you cross the many busy streets in life.
I want to care for you, to help you,
to look after you,
to make up for all those missed opportunities.

My brothers.
Have I told you how proud of you I am?
How each of you makes such a difference in my life?
How much I cherish you and hope for you?
Have I taught you?
Not enough, no, not enough.

And now, as you move on to adulthood,
here I am standing off to the side,
looking on with pride.
Hoping, dreaming, reminiscing, and probably crying:

tears of joy,
this is your simcha;
tears of excitement,
we've been waiting for this for 13 years;
and tears of worry,
oh how I want what's best for you;
tears of pain,
enough is enough, why Hashem?
tears of hope,
I know that you can accomplish so much;
and you each will.

Can’t we turn back time?
Can’t we try again?
This time, I’m holding your hand,
protecting you,
caring for you,
shielding you from any harm.

My brothers, my baby brothers,
(yes I know, but to me you'll always be the babies of the family)
Men?
I feel that I've barely held on to my baby boys,
no, I have so much more I want to teach you ...
I wish I could just say, "follow me"
and now I have to let go?

Yes I will let go,
watch you go your own ways,
crossing the various streets life has to offer.
But every so often you'll hear me
shout, "watch out, danger!"
or whisper, "are you sure that's where you wanna go?"
or cry, "why, Hashem, haven't they had enough?"
or shriek with excitement, life has those intensely good times too;
or sing with joy, because I'm so proud.

Go ahead, make your own choices in life.
And if you ever need someone's hand to hold,
when life gets tougher than you thought it could ever be,
when choices are harder than you could ever imagine,
when right looks like wrong, and wrong looks right,
I'm here for you.

Yes, life is a busy street.
But, remember, Ashrainu, we are fortunate!
We have guidance.
Let G-d and Chassidus be your compass (or GPS).
Enjoy the journey.

And, though I haven't said it enough times,
I love you, I always have and I always will.

Mazel Tov!
May you go M'chayil el Chayil,
from strength to strength.
Becoming Chayalim,
soldiers in the Rebbe's army;
Chossidim,
Yorei Shomayim,
and Lamdanim.
May you have all the brachos in the world,
Letovah, for your GOOD!
And may we all merit the final crossing
to a better time and place,
toward the Geulah Shleimah
with Moshiach Tzidkeinu!

With more love than you probably ever thought existed
or could even imagine,
your proud and humbled sister.

(in honor of my twin (baby) brothers' bar mitzvah)

Searching...

Searching........... looking, asking, wondering.
Where? I don't know
How? I don't know
But when I search inside of me I find,
That there is something deeper
A will, a way
no doubt
nothing stands in the way of will
(Will must be a pretty tough guy, eh)
Ain Hadavar Omeid Bifnei Haratzon!
Seek and you will find,
in ways you never thought of
in places you never knew to look
Just look inside and you will see,
Yagati Umatzasi!
I put in effort, and I found!
Now I just have to keep searching, harder, deeper.
For there's always more.
Life doesn't stop... keeps moving.
Forward, onward and upward.
It's not meant to be easy,
our struggle, our effort, this is what it's truly about
and somewhere up there He is happy,
that we are succeeding.
Our Father has such nachas, such joy.
And so, I keep on going...

-dedicated to the search for a sub (and other things in my life)

Igniting the Flames – Shlichus

I struck a match today; it burst into a flame of fire

Going up towards heaven, rising higher and higher

I taught a child today, a smile burst out on her face

She’s rising to the challenge, she’s moving at a fast pace

I kept a flame alive tonight; it’s unsteady, unsure but there

Flickering and wavering and shining just because we care

I taught a girl about Yiddishkeit, she’s unsteady, unsure but here

Questioning and wondering, and learning just because we care

I try to light all the wicks, before it gets too late

But some die out quickly, others just sit and wait

I try to inspire everyone, while I still have a chance

Some are lost so quickly, others I have yet to glance

But, I don’t give up, I keep lighting, even in the darkest haze

Because soon we’ll see on every candle, a giant burning blaze

I don’t stop, I keep teaching, because every Jewish soul is a flame

Soon Moshiach will light us all, may it be bimheirah beyamainu, amen!

Welcome to my blog.....

So, I made a blog, (finally). I titled it Ashrainu, (notice the unique spelling) as this is a place where my continuous rambling will help me realize just how fortunate I am. Ashrainu as you'll see in my subtitle also stands for As She Helps Reach Another Individual, Now Uplifted. Being that my life is (mostly) all about shlichus, (I'm on a mission spreading the message of making this world a place of Holiness/G-dliness) this blog is really as I help reach another. Who's uplifted? you might ask, well, we all are... because when one person helps another, the entire world becomes a better place, but mostly I was referring to myself, because I get no greater spiritual charge than when I have helped someone else. Ashrainu, How fortunate, lucky, blessed, thankful, grateful, privileged I am to have life, to be a Jew, to be a Chossid, to be a Shlucha... to be me!