A Beautiful Mess

I glance around,
Uh oh,
My desk is a mess.
My house is a mess.
My thoughts are a mess.
Am I a mess?
Is my life a mess?

Look past the mess,
Please find me.
The soul inside,
That lives, that beats,
Creates and loves.

My soul is a painter
Painting love,
In every person
Painting care,
In all I do.

The various colors
Of life.

My soul creates,
It blends.
It’s beautiful

Have you ever seen,
A painters workshop?

It can be messy.
Because it’s a process.

My soul is a builder
Building relationships
Building hope
Building others
Belief in themselves.

Have you ever seen
A half built building?

It can be messy.
Because it’s in progress.

Inside my soul
Remains my youth
Playful, excited.
Loving life.
Learning new things
Every day.
With enthusiasm.

Have you ever seen
A child’s playroom?

It can be messy,
While she is playing.

Yes, I am a mess.
But now you know why.
Life’s a process,
A work in progress.

Constantly:
Creating,
Building,
And Learning.

Yes,
My life's a mess.
And I wouldn’t
Want it to be
Any other way.

Yes, it’s a mess.
But, look carefully,
Look further,
It’s a beautiful mess!

The possibilities are
Endless.

Don't Leave us Stranded!

I never knew where Mumbai was.

India was so far away. So distant.

I never knew.

That all changed.

Three months ago, when I started working.

Planning a trip with all its details.

For a Rabbi to go to India.

To perform kashrus inspections.

We worked on this trip.

All of the details.

Together with Rabbi Holtzberg.

Who would be accompanying.

Rabbi Holtzberg, when I spoke to you on Tuesday,

You were so accommodating.

“I would never want to be a stranded Jew in India”

Those were your words.

And you insisted we change the schedule,

So the Rabbi could stay by you, one more night.

So you can help him out even more.

Rabbi Holtzberg, when I spoke with you on Tuesday,

I had assumed you were much older.

You spoke with such a depth, such ahavas Yisroel.

On Wednesday, we had finalized the details.

I just was working with the companies,

Waiting for confirmations regarding transport.

On Wednesday night, my husband delicately mentions,

“Were you planning a trip to India?

I don’t think that is a very good idea,

There are terrorist attacks.”

But more details he didn’t give.

And I just couldn’t ask.

Thursday morning, in my inbox.

An email from a company.

They can not get through to you.

They are worried you might be involved.

I had to inform all of them,

Yes, this is our Rabbi.

That’s when it started to hit home.

I followed the news all day.

Hoping, praying, begging.

In a daze, terrified but hoping for the best.

Saying tehillim.

Asking women to bake challah.

Please, bake challah with a bracha.

As a segulah for a yeshua.

Thursday night,

My friends get together,

We are saying tehillim,

All of us, together, out loud.

On Friday, things aren’t getting better.

Conflicting reports all day long.

I glance up at my computer screen.

A note, I hadn’t noticed it before.

PLEASE CALL HOLTZBERG.

A smaller note next to it reminds me

Call holtzberg.

My blood freezes. It feels like ages ago

These are just from Tuesday.

Tuesday, when I spoke to you.

I am begging Hashem,

“Bring them back to us.

Alive and well!”

The tears are streaming down my face,

My wrenching sobs shaking me,

To my very core.

I grab my tehillim and storm the heavens.

Crying, praying and hoping.

I refuse to accept any reports.

I simply can’t.

A young shliach in his prime.

Whom I had just spoken with,

The day before these horrible events.

No, it can’t be.

Hashem, it’s enough!

AD MOSAI? TILL WHEN?

Rabbi Holtzberg always made sure

No one would be stranded,

Aibeshter, Oy Aibeshter,

Don't let your children remain stranded!

Bring the Geulah now!

The Hidden World

I want smooth, perfect sailing.
But I don’t think I am riding a sailboat, it’s more like a submarine.
Lurching under the waters, just barely hidden from the naked eye.
A powerful engine steering and it needs a whole lot of fuel.
Yes, I am on a submarine.

But the view from down here is so much more beautiful.

If only I could just focus totally on that,
this beautiful world that exists under the sea.
Like the hidden deeper essence that the sea covers,
so too is the strength inside of me.
Strong, powerful and oh so beautiful, but not smooth sailing,
for a sailboat just touches the tip of the water
and a submarine is totally submerged beneath the waters.

The water, I think that’s the divine energy
that conceals these hidden deeper levels of life.

Yes, I am on a submarine beneath the waters.
I just need the fuel - I need the energy to keep moving forward.
It's not smooth sailing, it requires effort,
but ultimately it is worth it.
It's another level of greatness. The hidden world.

the way one looks

the way one looks -

Three meanings I have found
to this seemingly simple phrase,

Which is really not so simple
and can be translated in many ways.

-

the way one looks -

The very surface appearance,
just skin deep, doesn't go very far,

It's okay to appear different,
as long as you are proud of who you are.

-

the way one looks -

The main thing is not how well
or what one physically can see,

Some with less sight, have a vision
that guides them with clarity.

-

the way one looks -

The most essential ingredient
in overcoming any strife,

Is maintaining a strong focus
on the positive side of life.

-

the way one looks -

It's alright if this is different than others
both in appearance and sight.

More important is the way one looks positively,
focusing on what's right

Despite pain and hardships,
when confusion is at its height,

Lets look at what is shining,
and stay focused on the light!

Like a Havdalah Candle

The Friediker Rebbe said:
By Chasidim,
The love of Hashem,
The love of Torah,
And the love of Yisroel
must be intertwined together like a havdalah candle.

Over the past three years (in High-School),
I was taught how to love and appreciate each of these three.

I have learnt of Hashem’s greatness
and yet he loves me and cares about every moment of my life.
With this knowledge, my love for Hashem grew tremendously.

Throughout my years of Torah study,
I was able to learn more each day.
I discovered the sweetness of Torah and learning.
A feeling of warmth and happiness surrounds me
when I can comprehend something new. This is a feeling of love.

Amongst my classmates,
I saw what it means to have true Ahavas Yisroel.
Not only are they my classmates, they are my friends.
Every girl is willing to go out of her way to help another.
I feel a strong connection and a sense of belonging with them.

Similar to the wicks inside the havdala candle,
all this love is intertwined within me.
Just as the havdala candle is lit at the end of shabbos,
and is the fire that lights up the week,
I am at the end of this stage in life
and I feel I am ready to ignite the flame
so I can begin lighting up the world.

(my high-school graduation speech - written June 2003)

A Rose: The Endurance of Beauty

A rose is a special gift with which this world was blessed,

Although it’s just a flower it differs from the rest.

It’s known as nature’s ultimate beauty and allure,

Yes, the rose represents splendor that will endure.

Yet amongst sharp and piercing thorns, it grows,

Thorns which are likely to tear apart the delicate rose.

They are close at hand and threaten to overcome,

Still the rose is strong, to the thorns it won’t succumb.

Uninfluenced, unharmed by the roughness that surrounds.

Amongst the treacherous thorns, the rose is crowned,

It’s a rose in essence, and that will never change,

Despite the various challenges, a rose it will remain.

We are compared to roses, our essence, so very pure,

And just like the roses, our splendor can and will endure.

Often faced with thorn-like challenges that might hurt,

We, like the precious rose, will always rise above the dirt.

Remaining uninfluenced by the words that others might say,

We will not allow thorns threaten to take our beauty away.

Though they might surround us and tempt us to change,

We are strong; our graciousness is not to be exchanged.

Choosing to remain exquisite, both inside and out,

We stay strong and focused on what our mission is about:

All our talents and energies, we will continue to give,

To change the world into a more beautiful place to live!

(Written February 20, 2008)

Dedicated to my roses - my students,

may you continue to blossom and bring much beauty to the world.

Written in appreciation to those who taught me how to endure the thorns.

Dedicated to the future,

in which I will (continue to) focus on the roses/beauty in life.

Two Sides of My Two Year Old

(above: my gorgeous niece)

My youngest one, is just two and a half,

A precious little child and I love her so,

However, she is stubborn and persistent,

Her favorite word, it seems is, “No!”

She’s full of energy and confidence,

She often thinks she owns the world,

Trouble and mischief up her sleeve,

She’s one of a kind, my little girl.

If I turn around for just a minute

She runs all over and makes a wreck.

But when I bend low she reaches up,

And wraps her arms around my neck.

She whispers, “I love you, Mommy”

And caresses me with her tiny hands.

My patience grows beyond its limit,

For within her hug, my heart expands.

Written December 2006 -Dedicated to my beautiful nieces and all my students (especially my Toddler class in Sarasota)

Dear Fellow Shluchos,

Dear Shluchos,

There is B”H a growing trend in shlichus over the past 15 years. Shluchim have KA”H large growing communities and families and need help. Being that it is sometimes financially difficult to hire a new shliach, many shluchim hire girl shluchois to help them. There are B”H post highschool and seminary girls in secretarial, preschool, homeschool or youth program leadership positions doing amazing work all across the planet. Unfortunately, I have recognized that sometimes there are different obstacles that the shluchim and the girls working for them have in creating a united effort in their shlichus. In order to overcome these obstacles I have put together some of my ideas on how we can improve our individual situations.

Some key points that I think girls should know about shlichus.

1. Although you are getting paid shlichus is more than just a job, shlichus means a Mission. We have a goal to accomplish and it isn’t how much money we can make. Our goal is to prepare the world for Moshiach by spreading the wellsprings of Torah and Chassidus.
2. It WON’T always be easy, this isn’t a vacation. It will take a lot of effort and flexibility on your part. Be ready for this.
3. Make sure that you take care of yourself spritiually. Even if it means getting up extra early to daven properly DO NOT start your day without it! It will help you get through the day. Don’t forget to say your Chitas no matter how tired you are or late it gets. This will give you the koach you need to do your shlichus properly. Make a chavrusa time with a friend and keep to it.
4. Make sure that you take care of yourself physically. Keep a healthy diet, don’t skip a meal just because you don’t have time. Especially remember to eat breakfast this will give you energy to face the day ahead of you.
5. Communicate well with the shluchim. Not everything will be told to you a month in advance or even a week in advance, make sure to keep tabs with the shluchim about what events are coming up and what needs to be done, before you need to do it.
6. Ask questions, if you aren’t sure how to do something don’t hesitate to ask for assistance or more specific directions. You will be much more willing and able to work if you know what exactly you need to do.
7. When you are asked if you want to do something and you really think you can’t or would rather not, be honest with the shluchim. Tell them no if that’s what you really think. Don’t agree to do something that you don’t want do.
8. Keep smiling, it’s contagious and relieves a lot of tension and stress that could build up. Having a positive outlook on every situation will make things go much more smooth. Everything is Hashgacha Protis. Tracht gut vet zain gut, if you think good it will be good.
9. Give yourself time to relax unwind and sharpen the saw, don’t overwork yourself until you are beaten to a pulp. Make sure to get enough sleep. Take time to do something special every once in a while and enjoy yourself. Burnout is never a good thing on shlichus.
10. Remember to thank the shluchim for all they do for you. Whether it is food, assistance, care or anything else they do, show your appreciation. Say thank you often, buy an occasional birthday or thank you gift and in general have an appreciative attitude for the things they do.

Some points for the Shluchim who bring out girls to help them

1. The girls who are coming are coming to assist in shlichus work. Aside from emergency situations (where any shlucha would pitch in for another) they should not be expected to baby-sit on a steady basis. Of course, the girls could be expected to assist in clean up after a peula together with you, but not much more than that.
2. It is important to be upfront with them, tell them how your system works and what you expect of them. Sign a contract stating the job description and financial arrangement. Try to minimize any misunderstandings from the beginning.
3. Be fair, don’t ask them to do what you wouldn’t want to do yourself.
4. Remember they are fairly young and inexperienced, don’t hold it against them, they are willing to learn. Positive encouragement and praise should be used frequently. Criticism is best when it is given in a relaxed time and relaxed atmosphere. Devorim hayotzim min halev nichnasim el halev. Word that come from the heart enter the heart.
5. Appreciate Appreciate Appreciate! They are often far from home family friends and a large Jewish community. They need your support and appreciation for all they do. Show them you notice and appreciate the little things they do and they will probably do them again.
6. Be precise with expectations and directions. Let them know in advanced what you want them to do and how they should do it. If it doesn’t matter how it’s done, be sure to tell them that. This may take a lot of time in the beginning but it is well worth the effort.
7. Don’t overwhelm them with everything at once. Let them slowly take on more and more responsibilities as they get used to the main ones.
8. Look out for their physical and spiritual wellbeing. Although they are adults, they may get very caught up in doing shlichus and not know their physical limits, often it is the first job that these girls have. Spiritually, they will need time and space to learn, reinforce this. If possible give them a shiur once a week.
9. Don’t ask them to sign a contract for a year that does not allow for leaving to get engaged or marriage. Marriage is really the main goal for a girl at this age and a shidduch should not be pushed off for any reason.
10. Love them unconditionally for who they are and what they do. Remember nobody is perfect and it’s human to make mistakes. Don’t let errors get in the way of your shlichus and working relationship.

Try and implement these points and you will surely see a difference! Hatzlacha Rabbah in your shlichus, may we merit the coming of Moshiach bimhairah beyamainu!

(written January 2006)

Tick, Tock, Talking Clock

Tick Tock, Tick Tock,
Glancing up at the clock,
The sound it makes resounds within,
So many mixed messages lie therein.

Tock Tick, Tock Tick,
Does time move on slow or quick?
Looking back, time is passing all too fast,
And yet it crawls by when we’d like it to pass.

Tick Tock, Tick Tock
That sound gives quite a shock,
When there are so many things we need to do,
Yet the day's gone by, it's almost through.

Tock Tick, Tock Tick,
To our choices, we must stick,
It’s frustrating to hear that ticking sound,
Cuz, what’s done is done, time can’t turn around.

Tick Tock, Tick Tock,
Time can seem like a rock,
Solid still, inert, nothing will penetrate,
When there's something special to anticipate.

Tock Tick, Tock Tick,
It can be akin to a candle wick,
On which the flame consumes the wax,
Ablaze, but, impossible to get it back.

Tick Tock, Tick Tock,
If only we could control the clock,
Special moments are worth repeating,
Yes, sometimes it seems oh so fleeting.

Tock Tick, Tock Tick,
Change is automatic,
It’s obvious that things don’t stay the same,
That begs the question, is the clock to blame?

Tick Tock, Tick Tock,
Does life revolve around the clock?
Or does the clock revolve around what we do?
You decide, because I’ve got work I most go to!

Life's Recipe: As Simple as Applesauce

With the apples, ask someone to help you peel

Find a friend to look past your outer layer, see how you feel.

Cut the apples into smaller sized pieces with a knife,

Making big things smaller helps to deal with them in life.

To make the sauce smooth, cut away everything rough,

Minimize the hard times, they tend to make life tough.

Put the apples with a bit of water into a large pot,

Torah is Mayim Chaim, and we have to learn a lot.

Cook the applesauce on a low flame, not to hot,

Warmth is necessary, getting overheated is not.

Don’t mix it, watch it carefully,

Don’t muddle things up and they’ll go smoothly.

Keep it simple! That’s rule number 1!

Complications make life harder on everyone.

It takes hard work and plenty of love,

To ensure it will turn out okay, pray to the one above!

(written April 2004)

What Makes a House a Home?

Home is where the heart belongs

A place you can do no wrongs.

It's not about bricks and stones,

So what makes a house a home?

A home is created with love and care,

A home is where you have no fears.

The place is yours, and you dwell there

Wherever you are, it’s your HOME that you hold dear

Our purpose is to make a Dirah Betachtonim

Bring G-d down here and make a home for him.

How do we make Hashem comfortable here?

Showing Him - that to us his Torah is dear.

I want to create a home, you see

A place where I can truly be,

And by using Torah and Mitzvos as my guide,

I will be inviting G-dliness inside.

(written August 2006)

The Bluebirds on my Balcony

I look out my window and what do I see?

A nest of bluebirds on my balcony.

They twitter and tatter, they sound so sweet,

They pitter and patter with their tiny feet.

The bluebirds on my balcony.

They are learning to fly those little birds,

They are learning to fly as I observe.

Their father calls but they don’t stretch their wings,

Instead they are busy with all kinds of things.

The bluebirds on my balcony.

Even though they feel their wings are so tired,

Their father encourages them to fly even higher,

He expects so much from his children below,

Because He wants them to spread their wings and grow.

The bluebirds on my balcony.

He comes down to them to help them soar,

But they peck at him to give them more and more.

I am sure he wants to give them everything,

But he knows it’s best when they stretch their own wings.

The bluebirds on my balcony.

They don’t realize why their father is waiting,

A yearning inside them he is creating,

He doesn’t give in because he knows they can succeed,

When they put in effort, they’ll get all they need.

The bluebirds on my balcony.

The lesson I learn from the birds on my balcony,

Is that it's our effort, our Father is waiting to see.

We are learning to fly, it’s quite a challenging task,

Trying to fulfill what our Father in Heaven asks.

He calls to us, but we don’t always proceed,

We just think about the things that we need,

But, it's our effort He is waiting to see.

And although we keep asking our Father for more,

Our Father in Heaven simply wants us to soar,

I’m sure He’d like to give us everything we need,

A father can’t bear his child’s suffering and pleas,

But it's our effort He is waiting to see.

Our Father is creating a yearning deep within,

That we should desire to fly closer toward Him.

It’s not easy, yet we have to keep on trying

In order to flap our wings and keep on flying.

Yes, it's our effort He is waiting to see.

I trust He does not want to leave us without,

But, He wants it to be our efforts that bring it about.

He expects so much because He knows we can achieve,

Yagati Umatzasi Ta’amin, I believe,

Yes, it's our effort He is waiting to see.